7 days after giving birth I told my partner I would like to go out for my first outing: a coffee! Oh how I longed to feel ‘normal’ again, as the past week had been a blur of no sleep, changing nappies, late night feeds and crying, on repeat.
Upon going for the coffee, I was uncomfortable: still wearing black tracksuit pants, worrying about having an accident with that gigantic pad in my underwear, walking like a cowboy, (hah) big black sunnies on as I had sobbed and cried getting into the car. I was anxious and overwhelmed even though I had my partner with me.
I ignored the fact I should probably stay at home and rest but I was rushing to want to get back to something I enjoyed doing before birth. Didn’t get the memo that I didn’t come 1st anymore, I was tied 1st with this special little boy.
See a week is not long enough to realise how much your world has suddenly changed, and I was ignoring my emotions and body telling me to rest so I could pretend I wasn’t affected; that I hadn’t given birth a week ago.
Well I didn’t enjoy that coffee and immediately wanted to go home, feeling like I had failed.
We are so brutal to ourselves and how we think we should feel. I was so ready to prove to myself that having a baby wouldn’t interrupt what I normally did in life. Oh boy I was wrong.
I miss my old life sometimes and that’s okay..
But I believe I’ve gained a more purposeful life with my son..Just next time I will get someone to bring me that coffee and I can sit with the window open from home until I’m ready to leave the house! - Sarah.G